How To Be An Inspiration To Your Man .....

Please note that I am not asking that you hold on to a bad man and continue to stroke his ego. It is not worth it. But, if all your man wants to do (after eating dinner with you, respecting you, loving you and pampering you) is be a music producer and not a lawyer, then damn it, here is how to inspire your man to be the best man for you, and for himself!

■1.Appreciate Him:

Men love (and need) to know that they are appreciated by their women. Show him that you appreciate his little efforts. If he puts gas in the car to get you to work and back home, let him know he has done something very wonderful. Never ever assume that doing these things is what he’s supposed to do anyway, so it’s no big deal. Imagine how you would feel if you did something nice for him (say you cleaned up his apartment) and he acted like it was something you were supposed to do anyway, so why bother appreciating it?

■2.Recognize His Achievements:

Have you ever accomplished something only to run to the one person you love, excited to share it with him, and he shot it down as something trivial? How did it feel? Not good, I suppose. Despite what women think, men don’t accomplish things to impress other men. They do it to impress their women. So don’t belittle his little feats with comments like “I could have done that,” or “you’re not the first person I know to fix the TV remote.” Ladies, please! Do not compete, compliment! And then watch his face light up like a little boy as he walks into the kitchen, puts on that apron and starts doing the dishes.

■3.Encourage Him/Help Build His Confidence:

This point ties into recognizing his achievements. If your man wants to quit his Wall Street job to focus on his love of fixing cars, it is not for you to tell him that fixing cars is beneath him. It is for you to realize that he wants to do something he is really passionate about; something which makes him happy. Be assured that he has probably given it a lot of thought before coming to you. Finding an unsupportive woman is the last thing he needs.

■4.Support His Dreams:

Which brings us to his dreams. Every man thinks he has the answer to all the world’s problems. If only he could go back home and start a technology business, he could fix all of Africa’s internet problems. If there is any lesson in life that you must learn from this point, it is this: never laugh at anyone’s dream – especially not your man’s. They/He will never forget it when they make it, and you will pay for that laugh for as long as you live. If you have never heard rappers rapping about those who hated on them when they were trying to find their way, you might want to start now. I’m sure their haters squirm every time they hear the song on the radio or watch the music video (with the pointed fingers) on TV. Just don’t do it, especially not to your man!

■5.Don’t Crush His Ego:

If you think he is building castles in the air and you can’t deal with this daydreamer, simply leave him – but do so by leaving him with his dignity still intact. Don’t crush his ego on your way out the door.

An older friend once told me that every time her husband came to her with an idea, she simply listened then tried to figure out how she could fit into that dream. It doesn’t have to mean giving up your dreams to help him build his. That leads to resentment. Instead, figure out how you can blend your dreams with his. If he’s your perfect match, chances are the two of you already share the same dreams and visions anyway so you won’t be giving up anything in the end.

Here are some do’s and don’ts to help both of you make it to the end with a stronger marriage than before you started. Some of these may be terribly obvious, but sometimes you men are a little slow and need it spelled out.....

■Don’t ask her why she always seems so tired. Her body is creating a whole other body. That’s a lot of work, not to mention that the further along the pregnancy gets, the heavier mom gets, thus causing her to become more tired. And hormone shifts make her tired, too. Now you know, so now you don’t have to ask.

■Do gas up the car for her if she drives. Don’t tell her you did. You don’t need a pat on the back. Just do it. See, this is an easy one.

■Don’t say, “Man, I wish I could just get comfortable.” Because once your wife hits about the fifth month she is never comfortable, so she will not feel badly for you. No need to complain.

■Do go to the doctor with your wife as much as possible to share in this whole experience. Be sure you are always there for good news, but especially be sure you are there just in case there is bad news. Also, go with her when she pre-registers at the hospital. Becoming familiar with the layout of the hospital will make things easier on the day the baby is delivered—even if it’s just finding a parking place.

■Don’t call her on something she forgot to do. She’s sick and tired and her hormones are doing strange and annoying things to her. Instead, ask her, “Did you, by chance—but it is absolutely okay if you didn’t get around to it—do _______?” Then add, “If not, oh sweetest person on earth, I will do it.” Use your own words and don’t sound goofy or insincere.

■Do arrange a ladies night out for your wife. She needs some time to hang out with friends to be able to take a break and commiserate with other women who have been where she is now. You can try to be understanding, but they really do understand.

■Don’t say, “Do you feel as miserable as you look?” I’ve heard this one too…unbelievably. Time to turn that filter on high!

■Do ask your wife what she wants you to make for dinner—and actually make dinner, that is if you can cook . (And don’t ever cook anything that might smell nauseating or contain mercury.) Get in the habit of continually asking her what she needs your help with—and follow through.

■Don’t say, “Oh, shoot, I had ______ for lunch” if she makes that for dinner. Wives don’t like that. This is far worse than telling a joke you’re pretty sure nobody has heard before, just to have someone say, “Dude, that’s been around for a while.” This falls perfectly under the category of “What were you thinking?”

■Do clean the bathrooms. Yes, the toilets and showers and everything. Your pregnant wife doesn’t need to be bending over trying to scrub the floor behind the toilet, and she doesn’t need to be inhaling those chemicals and fumes. Chances are you’ve used the bathroom, so chances are you’ve helped dirty it. Chances are you should help clean it. While she is pregnant, however, don’t just help clean it—clean it regularly so she doesn’t have to. (And don’t ever come home and exclaim, “Wow, this house is a mess!”)

■Don’t ask, “So have you noticed if you’re getting any stretch marks lately?” If she does, definitely don’t ask, “Are they always going to be there, or will they go away?” Listen, she knows she has them, and she’s hoping you don’t.

■Do give her a phone call (or instant message or text) now and then just to check on her. She’ll appreciate this sign of your love and concern for her.

■Don’t ask her how long it will take her to get back to her pre-pregnancy weight. If you ask her about this, you may give her the impression that you will be less attracted to her until she weighs what she did before she became pregnant. She may never get back to that weight. Does it really, truly matter to you? If she really, truly matters to you then the answer is a clear, NO.

■Do say, “Wow, honey, you are glowing today!” (And mean it.) This needs to turn into your saying something positive to her every day. She is going to have days when she feels sick, discouraged, overwhelmed, or ugly, and it’s your job to help her feel better.

■Don’t get annoyed that your wife made you read this list, or that you’re going to have so much more on your to-do list now. If you ever find yourself thinking, “I can’t do all of that,” stop and ask yourself how your wife has been able to do it all—while pregnant. The responsibilities of running a household should be just as much yours as hers, and while she’s pregnant, they should be even more yours.

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.....

The label “toxic” means something that drains life and energy.Toxic” doesn’t only entail obvious damage like physical abuse, stealing, or name-calling. It also represents all the internal turmoil that results from an unhealthy relationship. I’d like to share how to be able to recognize when you are in a relationship that is not suitable for you.

These are 5 signs that you are in a toxic relationship:

■1. It seems like you can’t do anything right.

The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. They mock your personality, and you feel ashamed most of the time. You only feel pardoned when you take on the traits of the person doing the condemning or judging.

■2. Everything is about them and never about you.

You have feelings, too, but the other person won’t hear them. You’re unable to have a two-sided conversation where your opinion is heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they battle with you until they get the last word.

■3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person.

Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though they are always raising gripes about you. Their attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness.

■4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around that person.

You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family.

■5. You’re not allowed to grow and change.

Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments insisting that you will never be any different than you are now.

If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good. Evaluate the relationship and what it’s worth to you.

Embrace the answers that come from your intuition, as it wants the best for you—and this relationship might not be it.

Take deliberate action according to your gut feeling. You won’t be sorry.

Maybe you choose to talk about your feelings with the other person, or you decide to put more space between the two of you.

It’s important that if you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsettled in the relationship that you not wait around until the effects of the misery settle into depression. Taking any action is the best medicine.

Now it’s your turn: Without giving names, do you find yourself in a toxic relationship? Have you left a toxic relationship and want to share how that decision has changed your life? Or are you afraid to leave a toxic relationship because you fear the repercussions? Leave a comment and share your experience.

An added note: If you’re in a physically abusive relationship, get help today. Don’t wait.

10 Reasons Relationships Fail & How To Avoid Them....

#1. Wanting Them To Change
No one can change themselves so much that they become someone else altogether. If you expect your partner to be more Like your ex, you need to go back to your ex. Accept them completely for who they are.

 #2.Keeping Track
If you are competing against the one you love in the good things they do for you, you have no idea what relationships are About. You aren’t supposed to compete and keep track and return their good deeds with good deeds of your own. Love Comes from the heart, you do things for them regardless of what they do for you. If they’re down for some reason and you Stop paying attention to them just because they aren’t, you need to change yourself.

#3. Testing Them
Have you ever found yourself in a position where you’re testing them? Do you ask them questions that might tick them Off? Do you intentionally say mean things to them just to see how they respond? It’s a relationship, not a test. By testing Them, you’re just putting them in a horrible position.


#4. Not Letting Go Of The Past
We all have some horrible past experiences that we carry with us. If you read my updates on the page, you know how much I went through. But it doesn’t mean I make my love suffer for it. It’s healthy to forget the past, if you can’t seem to forget then At least not let it affect you enough to make your love suffer. Don’t bring up past issues.

#5. Not Trusting Them Enough
We’ve all seen it, relationships ending because one of the partners were a little too insecure. If you have a habit of constantly Checking their phones, asking for their passwords, snooping at everything they do, you don’t love them you want to trap Them and suffocate them. Have enough trust in them to not make them hurt you on purpose and let them breathe.


#6. Not Being All Ears When They Talk
As I’ve mentioned in many posts before, communication is key. If you want to be happy with the one you love, you have to Listen to them. If you just pretend to listen to them when they’re talking and just nod your head at everything they say, it’s Not going to end well for you. Give them the concentration they deserve.

 

#7. Letting Distances Grow
When we’re in love and not married, we need to spend a large number of time with the ones we love to keep the relationship Healthy and beautiful. Lack of it can really create a lot of differences between you two. I understand in this day and age we All have busy schedules, some of us have school, some of us have jobs, but that’s what its all about - to find time for the One you love because they’re worth your time and attention.

#8. Not Letting Yourself Speak It Out
One of the biggest reasons why relationships fail too quickly is when one of you decide to skip arguments and just keep It all to yourself. That in itself is extremely destructive. Arguments are a big part of keeping relationships healthy as long As they don’t happen on a daily basis. They make you let your partner know how you really feel about something they Did or a decision they made. Don’t let your brain make conclusions on its own, speak your mind.

#9. Making Them Personally Responsible For Everything
You know what we do wrong? We take the word “dependent” to a whole new level. It’s fine to depend on them but to a
Certain level where you’re still happy as an individual. Depending on your love a little too much makes them feel flustered
And makes them think their every move which actually ends the comfort level they have with you. Ease up.


#10.Getting Really Serious Really Quickly

This one is something a lot of you will agree with. You start off with someone, it’s only been a handful of days and you Already find yourself dreaming about the house you’d live in, the kids you’d have, the things you’d do together after Marriage. You need to understand, everyone needs their own time to be comfortable enough with you to help you in Those decisions. Don’t be quick, take it slow.

FOUR THINGS THAT MAKE WOMEN UNAPPROACHABLE.....

Sometimes it seems like no amount of silent prayer or aggressive cleavage will get that cute stranger to take a hint and chat you up. Could you be scaring away men before they even approach you? Here are some female behaviors that make men scared to approach women.

You Look Pissed
Swap the pouty lips for a genuine, friendly smile and your eye candy for the night will be more likely to approach you. The majority of  men agreed that an unfriendly facial expression will keep them from approaching you, so flash those pearly whites at the guy you’ve been eyeing!

You’re Not Locking Eyes
What’s harder than approaching a stranger? Approaching a stranger who hasn’t acknowledged your existence with even a brief look. “he needs to see, by her looking and smiling at him,  that she wants me to approach her. If he don’t see it, he will not approach. So next time you think he catches you looking at him, don’t look away hold your stare for a few seconds so he knows you’re looking and that you like what you see.

You’re Too Flirtatious
A chip on your shoulder is a turnoff to any guy waiting to make his approach but so is the other extreme. “If she’s flirting with lots of guys. Nothing like a woman who is basically telling everyone in the place that she’s open for business with anyone,” he says. “Flirting with everyone” would put him off,  “Grinding out on the dance floor (yeah, it’s fun to look at but I like to look at strippers too…but I wouldn’t take any home to meet my mom).” Sure, he’ll notice you if you’re the loudest, most aggressive girl in the room but not in a good way.

You’re Surrounded by Friends
Admit it — your awesome group of friends can be a little intimidating, especially when a strange guy approaches to hit on just one of you. “Being surrounded by more than one friend makes her less approachable because of the embarrassment of being rejected in front of more people.” Make sure you’re giving him the opportunity to approach you alone check out the jukebox and linger for a bit, or offer to grab the next round of drinks for your friends.