Relationships and communication.....

Communication is important in relationships as it allows us to share interests, aspirations and concerns, to support each other, to organise our lives and make decisions, and to work together in caring for children. Good communication is about the way we talk and listen, and about our body language. We can all learn how to improve the way we communicate.

#Communicating clearly in a relationship

Talk to each other. No matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read your partner’s mind. We need to communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger or confusion.

When you talk to your partner, try to:
*Think about what you want to say and what you are feeling when you say it
*Be clear about what you want to communicate
*Be clear about your message so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean
*Talk about what you want and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’
*Share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you.

#Non-verbal communication

When we communicate, we can say a lot without speaking. Our body posture, tone of voice and the expressions on our face all convey a message. If our feelings don’t fit with our words, it is often the non-verbal communication that gets ‘heard’ and believed. Notice whether your body language reflects what you are saying.

#Listening to communicate

Listening is a very important part of effective communication. A good listener can encourage their partner to talk openly and honestly. Tips for good listening include:

*Keep comfortable eye contact.
*Lean towards your partner and make gestures to show interest and concern.
*Have a fairly relaxed posture with your arms and legs uncrossed.
*Face your partner – don’t sit or stand sideways.
*Sit or stand on the same level to avoid looking up to or down on your partner.
*Avoid distracting gestures such as fidgeting with a pen, glancing at papers, or tapping your feet or fingers.
*Be aware that physical barriers, noise or interruptions will make good communication difficult.
*Show genuine attention and interest.
*Ask for feedback from your partner on your listening.

#Improving communication in a relationship

Open and clear communication can be learnt. To improve the way you communicate, start by asking questions such as:
What things cause conflict between you and your partner? Are they because you are not listening to each other?
What things bring you happiness and feelings of connection?
What things cause you disappointment and pain?
What things don’t you talk about and what stops you talking about them?
How would you like your communication with your partner to be different?

If possible, ask these questions with your partner and share your responses. Consider and try ways to communicate differently. See whether the results improve your communication. When you are more aware of how you communicate, you will be able to have more control over what happens between you. While it may not be easy at first, opening up new areas of communication can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

#Some things are difficult to communicate

Most of us find some experiences or topics difficult to talk about. It may be something that is painful or makes us feel uncomfortable. For example, some people find it difficult to express their emotions. It is often the things that cannot be talked about that hurt the most.

#Seeking help for communication issues

If you can’t seem to improve the communication in your relationship, consider talking with a relationship counsellor. Counsellors are trained to recognise the patterns in a couple’s communication that are causing problems and to help change those patterns.. It is better to act early and talk to someone about your concerns, rather than wait until things get worse.

#Things to remember

*Communication is important in relationships. We need to talk openly and be good listeners.
*Most people can learn how to communicate more effectively.
*Share positive feelings about your partner with them.
*It is better to act early if you are having difficulties, rather than waiting for the situation to get worse.

#strongafricanwoman

Signs He’s Not Going to Propose...

There are plenty of women who can attest to staying in relationships for five, six and seven years only to hit a dead end; and, then what? You have wasted precious years (because females do have a time clock) dating without purpose. Dating is a tryout meant to last for a short period, not forever. If you find your relationship hitting these roadblocks, you should probably move on if you’re looking for marriage: -

1. He doesn’t have any concrete thoughts on marriage.
Men who want to get married have a plan. Like women, they are also working on a sort of clock. Males tend to be goal-oriented and, when desired, marriage is a goal they plan to accomplish by a particular period in their lives. It is something they have envisioned. If your guy cannot brief you on when he would like to get married and how he sees his future family, it is not a priority.

2. All of his friends are single. The bromance is a tough bond to break and the “posse” can be very influential, especially when it comes to relationships. Men who are looking for a long-term commitment typically have a few friends in the same boat. Guys who are still into superficial sex, clubbing and booze help keep one another in that zone. If that is the type of guy you are hoping asks you to tie the knot, step back for a reality check. He is not marrying anyone anytime soon because he is happily married to himself. Don’t waste your time waiting for “the life” to get old.

3. He’s cheated on more than one occasion.
Cheating is a sign of immaturity and selfishness, not exactly what you want in a husband; but, don’t worry. He probably won’t ask, anyway. He is aware of all of the trust issues his actions have caused and, chances are, he would rather start fresh with someone else when he enters the married mindset. Consider it a big favor. Cheating doesn’t stop because of a band.

4. He is hugely ambitious.
Things in life are all about timing and balance. There are some men who place their career aspirations above all else; and, in that instance, there is no room for you and what you need or want. All about him means none about you. He is the type of guy who will ask you to move with him across the country without any guarantees. The only thing he is sure of is his dream. Don’t give up your life to be someone’s question mark or extremity.

5. He travels frequently.
Men who enjoy the freedom to (whether for work or play) travel frequently are hesitant to settle down. They are content with a jet-setting lifestyle and nothing holding them back. For them, marriage is an anchor that would hinder their ability to fly.

6. He doesn’t ask about your future plans.
When someone wants to be a part of your future, they ask about it. Men who see a future with you as their wife want to know your plans and how they can fit into them. If he never asks about the type of family you want or where you see yourself in the next few years, he’s likely not the man you will marry.

7. He is divorced.
Divorced men have experienced the ups and downs of marriage and, based upon how their previous marriage ended, they may be hesitant to walk down the aisle again. It can make them cynical and resistant to lawful commitment. While he may love you and thoroughly enjoy your companionship, the idea of going through another divorce is enough to keep him from putting a ring on it.

8. He is not forthcoming about personal information. If a guy trusts you enough to marry you, he also trusts you enough to divulge personal information and really bring you into his life. This includes sharing some of his most intimate moments, an open-door policy to his home and occasional use of his credit card. If you have to beg for a key to his apartment and don’t know his greatest fear, nuptials are far from around the corner.#strongafricanwoman

2 Simple Ways To Make Your Partner/Spouse TRUST You...

A LOT OF US DON'T KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE. THE TRUTH IS, TRUST IS THE KEY. NO MATTER HOW YOU MIGHT LOVE EACH OTHER, YOUR RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE WILL ALWAYS BE SHAKY IF THERE IS NO TRUST.

However, one thing you have to know is that Trust is earned, not commanded.

If you had lost the trust of your partner, don't worry. In this article, I'll be revealing to you 2 simple things you should do to win back his/her trust or to improve and maintain the trust your partner already has for you.

(1). Call Him/Her Whenever You Go Out:
As simple as it seems, a lot of people don't know how this can play a huge part in earning their partner's trust.

When you go out, especially to somewhere that might make them panic, for example, you're boss' house, to see a friend, a party a friend invited you to, or wherever it might be that you're going alone, what you should simply do within intervals is pick up your phone and call partner/spouse. When s/he picks the phone, start with sweet words like "Hello Darling, Love, Boo..." or whatever sweet names you call yourselves then tell them you just called to remind them of how much you love and miss them.

Spend some quality time on the phone and talk moderately loud so they can know you aren't hiding from anyone. Sound sweet and make sure you end the call with "I love you, see you soon".

Tip: Don't forget to call him/her once you're on your way home.

(2). Full Access To Your Phone(s):
This is one simple way you can prove that you aren't cheating or that you have nothing to hide. If at all you're locking your phone(s) for some other security reasons, make sure your partner/spouse has the password(s). Be quick enough to give them the new password(s) whenever you change it due to being compromised by a third party.

Let's assume your partner locks his/her phone without giving you the unlock codes, you'll believe there's something 'smelly' going on, right? Good! Don't blame him/her for thinking the same way you would. If there's nothing to hide, simple leave your phones open and give them the access to use it anytime. Your phone is your center of connection. If you can do this, then you've just earned his/her trust.

Tip: Avoid doing whatever makes them scared, it kills trust.

Did you find this article useful? Feel free to use the 'Share' buttons below to share these tips with your friends on your social media, they'll thank you for doing so.

Dating- What We Do That Men Hate!

*BEING TOO NEEDY
Women who cling to a guy for dear life, call a dozen times a day and drive a man crazy show their insecurity.

*JEALOUSY
It is self-defeating. Stay close to a man by giving him his freedom. If he’s trustworthy, give him a break. If he’s a cheating rat, move on.

*REQUIRING UNDIVIDED ATTENTION
I don’t know why but girls are always crying for attention, its like no matter how much you try to give them, it never seems to be sufficient. I don’t mind spending time with my girl but sometimes I think they get too needy with this attention business. Guys want to have time for himself too, you know to play video games, watch sports and stuff or even hang out with the boys. I think if women would just chill out and let their men chill then they wouldn’t be getting the artificial attention they sometimes get. So ladies all I’m say is stop begging for the attention and just let it flow naturally.

*NAGGING
Get off his back, as men are offended by repeated criticism, constant requests and pointing out errors in their judgement or actions.

*GOLD-DIGGING
Is it him or his wallet? How much money a man spends or makes isn’t your business, and men feel used when asked by new dates to buy them gifts or pay the rent.

*TALKING ABOUT EX-LOVERS OR EX-HUSBANDS
This shows that a women is not over the relationship. Bitter, hateful comments make men nervous. Who needs more drama or more anger from a date?

* GOSSIPING AND CRITICISING
other women or men shows that a woman is petty and makes a man uncomfortable. He’s smart enough to know you would bad-mouth him, too.

*BABBLING:
Girl-speak is something men do not appreciate, and chattering about your hairdresser’s comments, office gossip and clothes is a turnoff. Find something interesting or funny to tell him.

*CHRONIC WHINING:
Hey, you weren’t in Haiti. Complaining about your petty problems, or even major ones, is deadly for a relationship. Men value a smiling face and happy disposition. They have their own problems and don’t burden you.

*INSECURITY
Men are comfortable with women who are comfortable with themselves.

*INTERRUPTING UNNECESSARILY
Ladies we hate when are trying to talk and you keep interrupting the conversation. Sometimes you interrupt the conversation to say something that is not even related to the subject. Something like, oh babe I saw this nice handbag can I get it. STOP DOING THAT.

*NOT SAYING THANK YOU
Men hate it when they go to the trouble of planning a date, picking a woman up and taking her out, and never getting a thank you. Men want to be appreciated. And they prefer women who are considerate and grateful, at least verbally.

*OVER PACKING
Remember the man who insisted in his pre-nup, that his future wife never take more than two bags on any trip? Men hate to carry all that luggage and many a fight has erupted over heavy, bulky luggage.

*PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WOMEN
Man this one right here is a killer. I know she’s mad and I asked and she’s telling me nothing is wrong. After asking for a while she returns and lets me know well, you are my problem and she just starts pouring everything down on me, all the anger, frustrations and blames. You know you are mad and I know you are mad, why the silent treatment or say nothing is wrong when I ask?

*KEEPING HIM WAITING
Be ready on time. Men appreciate promptness, which is just good manners. Making him wait while you primp is stupid and he’ll be in a bad humour for the evening....#strongafricanwoman

4 Biblical Traits of a Person Not Ready for Marriage -

Being single, you come across and befriend other singles of all kinds. Some are career centered, some are relationship centered, and the rest are just trying to enjoy life to the fullest. Everyone is different, but when it comes to marriage, its very easy to notice those that aren’t ready for marriage. But if you don’t look closely, you can be easily fooled.

Here are 4 Traits of a Person Not Ready for Marriage.

1. Double-Minded
Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. Proverbs 12:15

The bible states in the book of James, a double minded person is unstable in all their ways. A double minded person is unstable in their character and feelings which ultimately results in them not being able to make sound decisions. Good decision-making is a necessary trait needed by anyone desiring marriage. As a husband, he will be responsible to lead, provide, and protect his family. When a man is double minded, he will lack the confidence to be secure in his ability to lead well. Today you will find those who cannot commit in a relationship, has a hard time keeping a job, or lacks motivation to complete tasks. This is a sign of struggling with double mindedness. If one doesn’t obtain mentors, wise friends, or pastoral support, one can easily isolate him/ herself which inhibits him/her from dealing with this issue.

2. Sneaky
The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue tumbles into trouble. Proverbs 17:20

Honesty, trust, and transparency are pivotal ingredients for a healthy relationship. Someone who lacks these will be sneaky, telling half truths and living alternate lives just to keep you from learning the real them. Someone who is ready for marriage will desire to hold nothing back from you, for they will not be ashamed for you to learn the real them. A sneaky mate may even try to turn the tables on you because they know they can’t be trusted, ultimately not trusting you. This requires an acknowledgment of the need for accountability on all levels to see this issue resolved.

3. Lazy
2 Thessalonians 3:6-10 states, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and do not follow the tradition they received from us. For you know that you ought to imitate us. We were not idle when we were with you. We never accepted food from anyone without paying for it. We worked hard day and night so we would not be a burden to any of you.”

The church at Thessalonica was a church full of young, new believers. Each epistle written by the Apostle Paul addressed each churches specific challenges and those issues needing to be focused on. We see him here addressing that issue of laziness. He encourages them to stay away from any believer that is not living according to the tradition they had set in place. That tradition was simply working hard. Those being called out were not just sitting at home doing nothing with their time, but later in the passage he addresses them meddling in others people business. In verse 11 Paul says, “Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business.” This makes it clear that they were not living their life’s on purpose, but wasting God’s given time on selfish gain. A mate that is lazy, is not ready to marry!

4. Angry
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19

Someone’s ability to be patient in marriage will make or break key moments in the relationship.. If he/she cannot control his anger then marriage will be very challenging.

6 GOLDEN RULES FOR LADIES!!!

1. Don’t take off your panties, because he called
you beautiful, take them off because he married
you.

2. Don’t open your legs because he said you will
make a good mother. Open them because he’s ready to be a father after your wedding.

3. Don’t take him home because he gave you a
ride or buy you ice cream and fried rice, take him
home because he treated you like a queen and is
committed to be the love of your life.

4. Don’t push him away because he has no money today. Hold him close if he is a man of vision, to another woman, he’s Honey and he got brighter days ahead, with a prospective blossoming future.

5. Don’t go punishing him because another man
hurt you! All men are not the same! A man who
fears GOD doesn’t hurt! If he loves you, give him a chance and he may be the best thing that ever happened to you.

6. Don’t stay up all night wondering where to find
a good man. Work on your character! Be an asset!
Serve GOD....

When Your Partner Is Tired of You, These Are Two Easy Signs You Will See..

1. Calling you will be significantly limited. S/He automatically stop calling or even when they manage to call, they will NEVER sound like that sweet guy/girl you used to know. In other words, you'll do the callings yet they will not give you any tangible reasons why they don't call anymore. Perhaps, they will get angry when you demand an explanation.

2. Another sign is that your partner will avoid you online. I really wonder why most people can't read between the lines. When your partner sees you online and doesn't say a word, I mean, when s/he does this repeatedly then know they are over you, simple! They begin to see you as a bug and at that time, s/he thinks, "What do we really have to discuss?" They think this way because they are practically tired of you.

When you start noticing such signs, don't push it. Just accept fate and understand that the relationship has ended. Move on, you'll eventually find someone who will love you for real.

Don't force yourself on anyone because you deserve someone better.

Like I always say, "Don't forcefully be anyone's number two when you can comfortably be another person's number one".
#strongafricanwoman

THIS TIME, I AM WRITING ABOUT DIFFERENT TYPES OF WOMEN AND THE QUALITIES IN THEM THAT ATTRACTS MEN.

I'd like to shed some light on an issue that women have been puzzled about for centuries, and that is the attributes of a woman that attracts a man.

Men are attracted to women that are:

1). Confident
Confidence has to do with when you have your own opinion and can defend it, you are comfortable in your own words regardless of body size or whatever people around you might try to influence you with, then you are confident in yourself thereby, you have what it takes to attract men that admire women who posses a great deal of confidence.

2). Intelligent
This attribute is highly rated by men when searching for a partner/spouse. After a man has evaluated your looks, once he comes close to you, the next things he evaluates is how smart you are, how opinionated and articulated you are in thinking. Most men enjoy speaking to women who have their own point of views on subjects and are versatile in interesting topics.

3). Good Sense of Humor
If you can laugh at your man's boring jokes, wise cracks - you become someone he wants to get to know better. But if you're the type that easily gets upset when he jokes about your ragged hair or sloppy dressing, men will not find your personality as attractive as one who actually possesses this quality.

4). Supportive
Men find it easy to fall in-love with women that encourage and support positive undertaking they embark on. A man loves a woman that has the ability to see what he sees in the goals he pursues. Men believe that when you support their dreams and goals, you believe in their ability to accomplish those things that are dear to their heart. And when you support that which is dear to a man's heart, you automatically have the key to unlock his passionate love for you.

5). Patience
Talking about patience here, I'm referring to a woman's ability to be in a relationship with a man without pressurizing him into making any serious commitments he may not be ready or willing to make at a particular moment. Now, understand that there's a way to let a man know that you are interested in settling down with him without appearing desperate to him or without making him feel he's under any sort of pressure. This way, you still make him feel he ultimately reserves the decision to propose to you at his will.

Note that, there are lots of qualities that compels a man to choose a woman which i shared days back,but these are just a few key attributes every serious woman out there should posses.#strongafricanwoman

Ladies: 12 Ways To Make A Guy Go Crazy Over You... HEY LADIES, HERE ARE 12 WAYS TO MAKE A MAN GO CRAZY OVER YOU. CAREFULLY READ TO THE END THEN YOU'LL PICK SOMETHING OUT OF IT.

1. Wear Nice Perfume:
This tip might sound silly or superficial, but believe it or not, guys like that women have signature scents. One of my old boyfriends actually still remembers mine from high school! Don't douse yourself with perfume, but pick a simple, flirty or s*xy perfume and apply just a little. Wear the same one each time you're around him. Unless he buys you a new one, which might signify he doesn't like the one you chose, chances are he'll love that you smell the same way each time you're around him. It's a sense of comfort, seduction and romance all wrapped up in one!

2. Don't Try To Change Him:
If you hate your guy's shoes or the way he wears his hair, but you sure do adore him, please just let him be! Don't try to play dress up with your guy or ask him to change his hair. He'll likely send you on your way if he's smart. If you don't like him for his odd tastes and all, then maybe you should reconsider what you're looking for in a guy.

3. Get To Know His Friends:
Guys will be loyal to their friends in the end, as should women too. No matter how much you might not really like what who he hangs around with, try your best to get along with them. If the relationship is harmed by the friendship, have a concerned, genuine conversation with him about it in a rational way. Don't just be rude to his friends.

4. Ask About His Family:
Be sure when you get into a relationship with a guy that you ask about his family. This will send him over the moon for you! You should genuinely care enough to ask him about his family, and by doing so, it shows you're not only interested in him, but also in the people he loves as well.

5. Show Him You're Responsible:
Be financially responsible, don't get drunk in public, and don't display yourself like a teenage girl trying to get attention. Showing you're responsible is a great way to hook a guy. You can still have fun and be responsible. No guy wants a long term thing with a girl that flies by the seat of her pants or can't even manage her paycheck.

6. Don't Be A Parasite:
Constantly sticking to a man and following him around is not going to make him want you more. You do not always have to be in front of him preparing yourself to do anything he wants. Therefore, it is important that you give him some space.

7. Don't Take His Place As The Man:
As much as I always talk about equality, there are some roles that you cannot do when you are in a strong relationship. When you allow a man to show his masculinity, he will take the lead. You should be thankful when he steps in and helps you in some way.

8. Give Support When Needed:
No matter how strong someone is, even men, there are always points in their life when they will need to have some type of support. When you see that he needs it, you should be there for him and help him out.

9. Always Look Pretty:
When many women get married, they let themselves go simply because they have already have their man. You should not let yourself go. If you went to the salon to get your hair done before you were married, then keep doing it. If you were smart when he first married you, then stay smart!

10. Jealousy:
I have seen many girls that try to spend as much time with their friends in order to make their guy jealous. This will drive him crazy thinking of those long hours with your friends. While I would never do this, there are some girls out there that will recommend this. Again, it all depends on who you are. The more he craves for your company, the more he is going to go crazy for you.

11. Be A Good Listener:
One sure way to get a boyfriend is to pay attention to him. When he is talking, you should show him that you are interested in him by listening to him. Guys love it when they have a girl that cares about them and it drives them crazy. Don't be self centered and always talk about your desires and your life. Give him some space and let him speak his mind. Men like it when they are appreciated and praised for their actions.

12. Stay Unique:
There are many women out there that are attractive too. You need to do something that sets you apart from them. Find something that is unique and go with it.#strongafricanwoman

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late.

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up ....

TO COUPLES::

You see, most people who feel lonely in their marriage is so because they have taken a stand without their spouse. There is nothing more comforting and assuring than knowing that where you stand, your spouse is also standing there with you. Knowing that where you go, even if your spouse cannot go there with you that he or she is supporting you.
Marriage Is Beautiful when couples plan together!

TO SINGLE GUYS::
Guys always remember the rule of KARMA. So before you go and play with a woman’s heart, toy with her emotions, fiddle with her love for you , cheat her, betray her, dump her for no reason and break her heart to leave her shattered and wounded ….Remember that KARMA is following you and it is just round the corner to get you..

TO SINGLE LADIES::
You don't NEED a man but you DESERVE a companion who is able to mirror the positive energy you share. Someone who respects your mind, supports your choices & acknowledges the energy you invested into building a foundation that will continue to hold a good relationship.You're Queen, deserving of a King and even in the event that you're yet to find a companion on your level, you still wear the crown.

TO THOSE WHO ARE HEARTBROKEN::
Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs and work but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them. It's really easy to tell someone to let go and get over it but sometimes the heart that's been lied to and led on takes some time. Move at your own pace but make sure you KEEP MOVING.

TO ALL::
Respect your relationship by keeping your PERSONAL problems away from public platforms. Most people don't care about what you're going through,they just want to be entertained by it.

7 of the Greatest Needs of a Husband.....Here are 7 of the greatest needs of a man.

#Respect – This is number one! I would even be emphatic and say every time. Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” God knew what He was talking about. Men want to know that they are respected by their wives above every other person. Every man feels this internal pressure to excel. They need to be successful at least one place in their life. If they can't feel that respect in our home, we will find that somewhere else.

Ladies, you want your husband to love you unconditionally. Are you willing to respect him unconditionally? You probably aren’t always extremely “lovable.” He’s probably not always respectable. Do you want to be loved any less when you aren’t at your “best”? Neither does he in the area of respect.

#Admiration – Men want to be desirable to their wives. That’s physically, but in other ways too. Is he strong enough—masculine enough for you? Does he meet all your expectations in a man? If a wife is always commenting on the sexier man in the movies or the more successful man in the world, he certainly will not feel admired. As an example, if a family struggles financially and the wife complains about it all the time, the man hears that as “I’m not good enough.” The greatest assurance of the fact that men have “what it takes” comes from their wives. Men who don’t sense this will often quit trying.

Ladies, if your husband’s success was proportional to your admiration of him—and the communication of that admiration—how successful will he be?

#Peace and Tranquility — men want their home to be a place to prepare for the world—they want to be able to relax. Men, that is never an excuse for laziness! (Laziness is a sin by the way.) I know this can be an ouch statement, but men want their wives to be their wife, and not their mother! Plus, and this is so important to understand, nagging never accomplishes what the wife hopes it will. It may get done what you wanted done, but not with the heart or attitude you hoped to go with the action. (If you are raising boys, remember this!)

Ladies, is your home a place of peace and tranquility? Someone said the wife/mother is the thermostat of the home? If that’s true, how comfortable are men living?

#Commitment – Yes, men want this too! They want to know they are number one with you. Men don’t want to see their wife looking at other men or hear them commenting on how wonderful another man may be. They want to know you are faithful only to them.

Ladies, does your husband know he’s number one to you—that no man could ever take his place?

#Acceptance/Participation – Husbands aren’t really looking for a wife who will try to change them. Granted many men need changing, but the Biblical way to do this is through prayer and modeling change for them. Men also want their wives to appreciate their hobbies and interests, since it is so much a part of who they are as men. You don’t have to love golf, but to know that the lower score is the better is a great plus when they come home after a good game. He’ll need to brag to someone. He’s hoping that someone is you.#strongafricanwoman

12 THINGS MEN LIKE IN WOMEN MORE THAN GOOD....

Things men like in women often have nothing to do with looks, bra size or any of the standard things we think men fall for. In fact, although physical appearance is the first thing they notice(don’t we all?), when it comes to settling down, looks often come in last and count the least. Believe it or not, there are at least 12 completely non-physical things men like in women and I’m pretty sure your boyfriend could list many more and confirm that your gorgeous physique, beautiful eyes and soft lips are not the only things that made him fall head over heels for you! Interested to learn more about those other traits men like in women? Well, read carefully because every man would love to be with a woman who is…

1. A GOOD LISTENER
Most men appreciate women who are able to just listen – no “ I told you so” lines, no lectures, tips or
comments regarding what you would do if you were in his place. You know… just sitting, listening (and I mean REALLY listening)… just showing that you care. Oh, and that involves being patient as well, understanding that most men need to “process” their problems before they can talk about them and learning to say, “Okay, baby, whenever you want to talk about it – I’m here for you.” The ability to listen and really hear what’s being said is one of the things men like in women because it’s so supportive — and they’re much more likely to reciprocate.

2. SPONTANEOUS
Being able to “go with the flow” is one of the traits men like in women the most, and I must admit I’m still not as nearly as spontaneous as my fiance would like me to be, although I’m working on it. Most of our men would never sing in front of us (professional singers excluded) but they just love to hear us sing (even if it sounds more like howling), they love to see us dance around the house, they will gladly throw us a surprise if they know the reaction will be positive and they love to see us being us (even if it involves a certain dose of silliness).

3. A GOOD DRIVER
Although our men often complain about female drivers, most of them would agree driving skills are a must for a modern woman. But, some of them are ready to go even further and admit they LOVE a woman who can make that engine purr like an overgrown kitten! Shocking? Nah, not really!

4. ACCOMPLISHED AND FULFILLED
Women who actually enjoy the things they do are more attractive, which means you should definitely stop whining about the things you DON’T have and start enjoying the things you DO! It’s not about being extremely beautiful, having a good job, an impressive resume or whatnot – it’s about you being happy about who you are as a person, it’s about being positive, about knowing that you’re a great woman who deserves great things.And, believe me, it’s true that bad luck never travels alone, but the same can be said for good luck as well.

5. ABLE TO ENJOY HER FOOD
Eating healthy food and trying to cut down on unnecessary calories is one thing, obsessively counting them is something completely different. While this first thing is actually good for you, the second one won’t really impress him. Being able to go out to a restaurant or a pizza place, to relax, to have a good time and talk about your food in terms of how good it tastes instead of how fat it’s going to make you shows that you’re confident…and we already know confidence is one of the things men (real men) like in women – don’t we?

6. A GOOD COOK
Our grandmas used to say that the only way to get to a man’s heart is through his stomach – remember that one? Well, we have learned by now that’s not the only way, although it certainly is one of the ways and, if I may add, a very good one. Men love women who can cook and women who would be willing to learn to cook for them. That’s when that traditional part of the brain turns on to note the woman in question would be a good wife. It’s a cliche, I know, but even experts agree on this one!

7. REAL
Although fake girls with their fake this, that and everything turn a lot of heads and probably get a lot of free drinks, most men have agreed they could never choose a girl like that for something more than just a casual romance. Whoa! What a coincidence – we feel the same way about fake guys! Which leads us back to that ideal, fun loving, girl next door all guys love– a girl who likes to smile and doesn’t care what others think of her smile (thin lips, teeth or whatever), a girl who can tell a joke, a girl who doesn’t use “words” like OMG or TTYL,a girl who won’t have a nervous breakdown every time her mascara starts running… a REAL girl!

8. READY TO COMPROMISE
Every man feels better when he knows his lady is ready to negotiate and work hard to find a solution that will be acceptable for both sides. So, I hope you’re ready to compromise, girls, because, although guys like boobs and long legs, they all agree this non-physical quality is far more important. It makes for a much longer,happily, more fulfilling relationship as well.

9. CARING
He really wants to know that you care for him but be careful, because repeating “I love you” until he can’t take it anymore isn’t a good way to let him know how you feel. An average man will tell you that he loves you once and show you how much he loves you five times. You should do the same. Baby him when he’s sick or tired,surprise him every once in a while, listen to his problems – SHOW him everything you want to tell him because this quality is one of the very important things men like in women.

10. FUNNY
A sense of humor is also one of the things men like in women, especially in women they are planning to settle down with! Time to find your funny bone, ladies! Now, I wonder why is that so… are they planning to make a lot of jokes or do they just want to make sure we’re able to find positive or maybe even funny sides in the future events that aren’t guaranteed to be stress free and easy? I don’t know but a sense of humor definitely gets my vote!

11. TAKING CARE OF HERSELF
Can you believe this is one of the things guys like in women? I mean, come on, can it be? They actually LIKE when we spend money on all those cremes and beauty products? Well, hold onto your chairs now, ladies, because the experts say the answer is “yes.” Taking care of yourself shows him you’ll take good care of him as well, and since they are the ones who enjoy all the benefits of our waxing, beauty treatments and shopping,they might as well admit they like it.

12. STRONG
The last but not the least – one of the best things men like in women, a quality like no others, a virtue that no woman of today could live without – strength. You don’t have to lose your best damsel in distress act, in fact, you can even let him “save” you once in a while, but he has to know you’ll be there if things start to get ugly.He has to know that there is a strong rock he can grab for under that delicate butterfly facade of yours – a woman he can count on.You see, the things men like in women are almost the same as the things women like in men. Interesting, huh?Certainly! Do you know of any other things men like in women? Feel free to ask your man, too!#strongafricanwoman

OVERCOMING SEXUAL DECEPTION.....

*Sex is NOT love. Love is not sex. You can have sex and not be in love. You can be in love and not engage in sex. Your partner may hate you and still have sex with you. Be wise. Using sex to manipulate your partner will eventually fail. It is self deception to think that giving him/her sex will make him/her love you.

True Love will never force you to engage in sex. Someone who doesn't love you will not change his/her mind because of sex. If he/she tells you to ‘prove your love’ by having sex with them, such person is only using you. Note, if your partner loves you because of sex, ‘better sex’ will take him/her away from you.

Don't make yourself a ‘sex slave,’ it is foolish. Love will never shame or degrade you.

To the ladies, If you have made the mistake of trying to use sex to buy a man, now is the time to re-assess your relationship and build it on the right foundation.

If he gets married to you because ‘the sex is good’, it will be fatal to your marriage. Let him get married to you because he loves you, honors you, feels a strong emotional, mental and spiritual connection with you and wants you to spend the rest of his life with you.

In summary, don't get married to someone because of sex and don't allow someone marry you because you are good in sex. One day, they may eventually taste someone that does it better than you and you will become history.

Let them love you for LOVE, not SEX. He that has ears, let him................?

TIPS: Three Things That Can Destroy Your Relationship/Marriage....

There are many factors you need to avoid if you are to preserve your relationship/marriage. Below, we'll talk about three but important things to take into consideration.

#LACK OF TRUST:
Trust is the key to every successful relationship. You should be able to trust your partner in every situation. Once you both can share the same trust, happiness, peace and love flows and you both have little to fear for. Without trust, anger and quarrel steps in and these are factors that kills a relationship/marriage fast.
One thing you should also know is that trust is earned, not commanded. Do the right things which will assure your partner that you can stay faithful to him/her and also capable of evaluating and handling complex situations.

#BRIDGE IN COMMUNICATION:
Communication in this context does not mean phone calls or text messages. Communication here refers to how you relate with your partner. This matters a lot because communication is the key to understanding.
Body language, romantic interest and sexual mood should also be well communicated. Your wife needs to know when you're in the mood for sex. She's your wife, not your sex slave so proper communication in this aspect will preserve mutual respect.
How do you communicate with your partner when he/she is depressed? How do you communicate with him/her when you're in a sour or devastated mood? Examine this and amend where necessary.

#INFIDELITY:
This is simply the act of being unfaithful to your partner. You might be successfully cheating but then, have you asked yourself what your partner's reaction would be if he/she finds out? Is he/she the type that would give you another chance? I'm sure you haven't asked yourself these questions. There is no joy in infidelity. Staying faithful is the surest way of maintaining a forever relationship/marriage. Be advised! #strongafricanwoman

12 THINGS MEN LIKE IN WOMEN MORE THAN GOOD....

Things men like in women often have nothing to do with looks, bra size or any of the standard things we think men fall for. In fact, although physical appearance is the first thing they notice(don’t we all?), when it comes to settling down, looks often come in last and count the least. Believe it or not, there are at least 12 completely non-physical things men like in women and I’m pretty sure your boyfriend could list many more and confirm that your gorgeous physique, beautiful eyes and soft lips are not the only things that made him fall head over heels for you! Interested to learn more about those other traits men like in women? Well, read carefully because every man would love to be with a woman who is…

1. A GOOD LISTENER
Most men appreciate women who are able to just listen – no “ I told you so” lines, no lectures, tips or
comments regarding what you would do if you were in his place. You know… just sitting, listening (and I mean REALLY listening)… just showing that you care. Oh, and that involves being patient as well, understanding that most men need to “process” their problems before they can talk about them and learning to say, “Okay, baby,whenever you want to talk about it – I’m here for you.” The ability to listen and really hear what’s being said is one of the things men like in women because it’s so supportive — and they’re much more likely to reciprocate.

2. SPONTANEOUS
Being able to “go with the flow” is one of the traits men like in women the most, and I must admit I’m still not as nearly as spontaneous as my fiance would like me to be, although I’m working on it. Most of our men would never sing in front of us (professional singers excluded) but they just love to hear us sing (even if it sounds more like howling), they love to see us dance around the house, they will gladly throw us a surprise if they know the reaction will be positive and they love to see us being us (even if it involves a certain dose of silliness).

3. A GOOD DRIVER
Although our men often complain about female drivers, most of them would agree driving skills are a must for a modern woman. But, some of them are ready to go even further and admit they LOVE a woman who can make that engine purr like an overgrown kitten! Shocking? Nah, not really!

4. ACCOMPLISHED AND FULFILLED
Women who actually enjoy the things they do are more attractive, which means you should definitely stop whining about the things you DON’T have and start enjoying the things you DO! It’s not about being extremely beautiful, having a good job, an impressive resume or whatnot – it’s about you being happy about who you are as a person, it’s about being positive, about knowing that you’re a great woman who deserves great things.And, believe me, it’s true that bad luck never travels alone, but the same can be said for good luck as well.

5. ABLE TO ENJOY HER FOOD
Eating healthy food and trying to cut down on unnecessary calories is one thing, obsessively counting them is something completely different. While this first thing is actually good for you, the second one won’t really impress him. Being able to go out to a restaurant or a pizza place, to relax, to have a good time and talk about your food in terms of how good it tastes instead of how fat it’s going to make you shows that you’re confident…and we already know confidence is one of the things men (real men) like in women – don’t we?

6. A GOOD COOK
Our grandmas used to say that the only way to get to a man’s heart is through his stomach – remember that one? Well, we have learned by now that’s not the only way, although it certainly is one of the ways and, if I may add, a very good one. Men love women who can cook and women who would be willing to learn to cook for them. That’s when that traditional part of the brain turns on to note the woman in question would be a good wife. It’s a cliche, I know, but even experts agree on this one!

7. REAL
Although fake girls with their fake this, that and everything turn a lot of heads and probably get a lot of free drinks, most men have agreed they could never choose a girl like that for something more than just a casual romance. Whoa! What a coincidence – we feel the same way about fake guys! Which leads us back to that ideal, fun loving, girl next door all guys love– a girl who likes to smile and doesn’t care what others think of her smile (thin lips, teeth or whatever), a girl who can tell a joke, a girl who doesn’t use “words” like OMG or TTYL, a girl who won’t have a nervous breakdown every time her mascara starts running… a REAL girl!

8. READY TO COMPROMISE
Every man feels better when he knows his lady is ready to negotiate and work hard to find a solution that will be acceptable for both sides. So, I hope you’re ready to compromise, girls, because, although guys like boobs and long legs, they all agree this non-physical quality is far more important. It makes for a much longer,happily, more fulfilling relationship as well.

9. CARING
He really wants to know that you care for him but be careful, because repeating “I love you” until he can’t take it anymore isn’t a good way to let him know how you feel. An average man will tell you that he loves you once and show you how much he loves you five times. You should do the same. Baby him when he’s sick or tired, surprise him every once in a while, listen to his problems – SHOW him everything you want to tell him because this quality is one of the very important things men like in women.

10. FUNNY
A sense of humor is also one of the things men like in women, especially in women they are planning to settle down with! Time to find your funny bone, ladies! Now, I wonder why is that so… are they planning to make a lot of jokes or do they just want to make sure we’re able to find positive or maybe even funny sides in the future events that aren’t guaranteed to be stress free and easy? I don’t know but a sense of humor definitely gets my vote!

11. TAKING CARE OF HERSELF
Can you believe this is one of the things guys like in women? I mean, come on, can it be? They actually LIKE when we spend money on all those cremes and beauty products? Well, hold onto your chairs now, ladies, because the experts say the answer is “yes.” Taking care of yourself shows him you’ll take good care of him as well, and since they are the ones who enjoy all the benefits of our waxing, beauty treatments and shopping, they might as well admit they like it.

12. STRONG
The last but not the least – one of the best things men like in women, a quality like no others, a virtue that no woman of today could live without – strength. You don’t have to lose your best damsel in distress act, in fact,you can even let him “save” you once in a while, but he has to know you’ll be there if things start to get ugly.He has to know that there is a strong rock he can grab for under that delicate butterfly facade of yours – a woman he can count on.You see, the things men like in women are almost the same as the things women like in men. Interesting, huh?
Certainly! Do you know of any other things men like in women? Feel free to ask your man, too!#strongafricanwoman

7 of the Greatest Needs of a Husband.....Here are 7 of the greatest needs of a man.

#Respect – This is number one! I would even be emphatic and say every time. Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” God knew what He was talking about. Men want to know that they are respected by their wives above every other person. Every man feels this internal pressure to excel. They need to be successful at least one place in their life. If they can't feel that respect in our home, we will find that somewhere else.

Ladies, you want your husband to love you unconditionally. Are you willing to respect him unconditionally? You probably aren’t always extremely “lovable.” He’s probably not always respectable. Do you want to be loved any less when you aren’t at your “best”? Neither does he in the area of respect.

#Admiration – Men want to be desirable to their wives. That’s physically, but in other ways too. Is he strong enough—masculine enough for you? Does he meet all your expectations in a man? If a wife is always commenting on the sexier man in the movies or the more successful man in the world, he certainly will not feel admired. As an example, if a family struggles financially and the wife complains about it all the time, the man hears that as “I’m not good enough.” The greatest assurance of the fact that men have “what it takes” comes from their wives. Men who don’t sense this will often quit trying.

Ladies, if your husband’s success was proportional to your admiration of him—and the communication of that admiration—how successful will he be?

#Peace and Tranquility — men want their home to be a place to prepare for the world—they want to be able to relax. Men, that is never an excuse for laziness! (Laziness is a sin by the way.) I know this can be an ouch statement, but men want their wives to be their wife, and not their mother! Plus, and this is so important to understand, nagging never accomplishes what the wife hopes it will. It may get done what you wanted done, but not with the heart or attitude you hoped to go with the action. (If you are raising boys, remember this!)

Ladies, is your home a place of peace and tranquility? Someone said the wife/mother is the thermostat of the home? If that’s true, how comfortable are men living?

#Commitment – Yes, men want this too! They want to know they are number one with you. Men don’t want to see their wife looking at other men or hear them commenting on how wonderful another man may be. They want to know you are faithful only to them.

Ladies, does your husband know he’s number one to you—that no man could ever take his place?

#Acceptance/Participation – Husbands aren’t really looking for a wife who will try to change them. Granted many men need changing, but the Biblical way to do this is through prayer and modeling change for them. Men also want their wives to appreciate their hobbies and interests, since it is so much a part of who they are as men. You don’t have to love golf, but to know that the lower score is the better is a great plus when they come home after a good game. He’ll need to brag to someone. He’s hoping that someone is you.#strongafricanwoman